Sus has been (gently) pestering me to join Facebook so tonight I did. In fact, she sent me the invite so that she could be my first friend! And you are, Sus. You are tops on the friends list in my book, along with Carmen, Melle and other tried and true friends of the heart.
So perhaps you're just discovering my blog now because you're a long lost pal who's wondering what the heck I'm up to. Here's the short summary:
1. I am an award-winning features journalist for a string of 59 suburban papers in the Chicago area. I've lived in Chicago for 5 years now. My articles can be found at: http://www.pioneerlocal.com/evanston/lifestyles/index.html
If it's a health, food or home story, chances are I wrote it.
2. I am about to leave my plum job to spend a year volunteering for a church: The Trent Vineyard in Nottingham, England, to be precise (www.trentvineyard.org) I'll be doing an 11-month servant leadership program called the Discipleship Year.
3. I am dealing with the aftermath of a broken engagement. I decided to leave up on here the photos and posts that chronicled my dating relationship and then my engagement, because this experience, while horribly devastating, has played a huge role in making me who I am. I am such a different person than I was on May 31, the day that my ex ended our relationship. The nine months that went before seem like some kind of surreal dream now. But it has been enough time and I have cried enough tears that I am beginning to recover my own sense of equilibrium and excitement, which is very good considering I am about to embark on a huge adventure!
4. I'm so sleepy now and am heading to bed. But I look forward to reconnecting with old friends!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Watercolors
Mom gave Becky and me watercolor lessons when we were in Minnesota. Howard Lake was a perfect subject. It was fun to paint!
1. My painting of the bunkhouse and a stormy sky.
2. Mom's painting of the cabin at sunset.
3. Mom's painting of Dad and me on the dock (see actual photo on earlier post!)
4. My painting of the lake.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Roommate Night!
On Friday evening, Sara, Erica and I attended a free, outdoor performance of "Meet Me in St. Louis" at Gillson Park in Wilmette. It was a huge treat to see my favorite musical performed live and with a full orchestra, too. We brought along a bottle of wine but, after opening it, were firmly informed we could not have alcohol in the park. So we got drunk on a German chocolate cake, instead (and drank the wine when we got home, all merrily singing along to my Judy Garland recording of "Meet Me in St. Louis.")
Meet me in St. Louis, Louis
Meet me at the fair.
Don't tell me the lights are shining anyplace but there
We will dance the hoochy-coochy
You will be my tootsie-wootsie
If you will meet me in St. Louis, Louis
Meet me at the fair!!!
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
More Minnesota
1. "Grandpa, don't drop me!" (Dad holds my nephew Isaiah and cousin Anthony gives him a coochie coo at our cousin Ryan's wedding."
2. Uncle Eric and brother Peter duke it out on Guitar Hero.
3. "How come I'm not in any of the pictures from Howard Lake? I better fix this."
4. What I look like when I can't sleep because it's warm and humid and the half moon has risen high in the sky and the dog is snoring in my tent and the loons are crying above and I decide to take a self-portrait.
Questions
My friend Julie posted on her blog about how men complicate things, prompting these thoughts.
Men do complicate things. It is so sad for me to think back on the last year and realize how it was filled with the man I was engaged to but how now it's all over. There was the surprising finding of each other under our very noses, the very short friendship (short in that it so quickly progressed to romance) and the excitement of beginning to date. By the beginning of October we were dating intensely, seeing each other several times a week, if not every day. We spent most holidays together and took road trips all over the Midwest visting friends and family. We became engaged in April and made so many beautiful plans. We struggled and sorrowed sometimes, but mostly we just had fun. We had so much darn fun. And every memory of my last year, it seems is entertwined with him.
And now he's gone. He chose to leave, for rather bewildering reasons that have left so many shaking their heads and leaving me, of course, in emotional shambles. The good news is that I have exciting plans and will soon be moving overseas, without the complications of a long-distance fiance and wedding plans. The problem for me, then, is in reviewing the last year.
If so much of the last year was good (and it was) how much of it was because of him? I'll be honest and admit that much of it was because of him. But now he's gone. What do I do with the last year? I refuse to mark it out of my life, erase my blog and start over. In fact, I made the conscious choice to leave my engagement photos and dating photos up here. It was my life. It happened, and it was good. I'm not going to pretend it never happened.
But I do find myself wondering why the last year had to happen at all. I know myself well enough to know I would have been perfectly happy living my final year in Evanston (final for now, anyway) as a single woman. What if he and I had never started dating? I would not know be reeling with such pain, experiencing such grief. It would not jab me in the heart everytime his car is parked in front of my house (when he is at his family's place next door, suddenly a cold stranger, and I must avoid going into my back yard in case I run into him over the fence) and every restaurant, movie, favorite walking path and relative and friend's house would not be fraught with such sad, confused memories.
I have to believe that there is good in choosing to trust, to love, to experience, even if it ended so horribly. I have to believe that God will bring a good out of this suffering that could not otherwise have been. I have to believe that it's worth it to open up my heart, even if I don't know the outcome.
The day that my ex broke our engagement in fact, I first had lunch with a friend. She was embarking on a new relationship and shared her fear of trusting. And I said, "But you have to trust! You have to let go and let yourself become vulnerable, not knowing what will happen, because otherwise you'll never get anything good. I'm so glad I chose to trust my fiance. I didn't know it would work out, but it did, and look what a marvelous payoff I got."
That night, of course, he ended it. And I was forced to reexamine my words to my friend. A few days later, when we talked, I said through my tears, "I still mean it, you know. I still am glad that I chose to trust him and to take risks and open myself up. Because the alternative is a miserable, closed, controlled life."
I do believe that, but it's so hard to believe right now, when all of my photographs from the last year tell a happy story that had a horrific ending.
Men do complicate things. It is so sad for me to think back on the last year and realize how it was filled with the man I was engaged to but how now it's all over. There was the surprising finding of each other under our very noses, the very short friendship (short in that it so quickly progressed to romance) and the excitement of beginning to date. By the beginning of October we were dating intensely, seeing each other several times a week, if not every day. We spent most holidays together and took road trips all over the Midwest visting friends and family. We became engaged in April and made so many beautiful plans. We struggled and sorrowed sometimes, but mostly we just had fun. We had so much darn fun. And every memory of my last year, it seems is entertwined with him.
And now he's gone. He chose to leave, for rather bewildering reasons that have left so many shaking their heads and leaving me, of course, in emotional shambles. The good news is that I have exciting plans and will soon be moving overseas, without the complications of a long-distance fiance and wedding plans. The problem for me, then, is in reviewing the last year.
If so much of the last year was good (and it was) how much of it was because of him? I'll be honest and admit that much of it was because of him. But now he's gone. What do I do with the last year? I refuse to mark it out of my life, erase my blog and start over. In fact, I made the conscious choice to leave my engagement photos and dating photos up here. It was my life. It happened, and it was good. I'm not going to pretend it never happened.
But I do find myself wondering why the last year had to happen at all. I know myself well enough to know I would have been perfectly happy living my final year in Evanston (final for now, anyway) as a single woman. What if he and I had never started dating? I would not know be reeling with such pain, experiencing such grief. It would not jab me in the heart everytime his car is parked in front of my house (when he is at his family's place next door, suddenly a cold stranger, and I must avoid going into my back yard in case I run into him over the fence) and every restaurant, movie, favorite walking path and relative and friend's house would not be fraught with such sad, confused memories.
I have to believe that there is good in choosing to trust, to love, to experience, even if it ended so horribly. I have to believe that God will bring a good out of this suffering that could not otherwise have been. I have to believe that it's worth it to open up my heart, even if I don't know the outcome.
The day that my ex broke our engagement in fact, I first had lunch with a friend. She was embarking on a new relationship and shared her fear of trusting. And I said, "But you have to trust! You have to let go and let yourself become vulnerable, not knowing what will happen, because otherwise you'll never get anything good. I'm so glad I chose to trust my fiance. I didn't know it would work out, but it did, and look what a marvelous payoff I got."
That night, of course, he ended it. And I was forced to reexamine my words to my friend. A few days later, when we talked, I said through my tears, "I still mean it, you know. I still am glad that I chose to trust him and to take risks and open myself up. Because the alternative is a miserable, closed, controlled life."
I do believe that, but it's so hard to believe right now, when all of my photographs from the last year tell a happy story that had a horrific ending.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Simple Gastronomic Pleasures
1. A melting after-dinner mint (or is it called a butter mint?) savored on the tongue in the midst of a culinarily deprived workday.
2. A fresh red plum cut into slices and enjoyed along with a zucchini-egg-homegrown basil frittata and the comforting prayers of a former roommate (Go Kim!)
3. A juicy pub burger served with thick fries (I'm not in England yet ... they're fries, despite the menu that calls them chips) lightly drizzled in vinegar and dipped in ketchup.
4. A scoop of light, tingly and refreshing pink grapefruit gelato served in a sugar cone and retrieved down the block with one's favorite 12-year-old boy (ie: Nathan, who convinced me to walk around the corner with him last night to the gelateria).
5. Daily Orange Spice Green Tea from the Republic of Tea
6. Homemade pizzas spread with fresh mozzarella, basil and heirloom tomatoes (thanks, Julie!)
For a girl who hasn't had much appetite lately, I've sure been eating well.
2. A fresh red plum cut into slices and enjoyed along with a zucchini-egg-homegrown basil frittata and the comforting prayers of a former roommate (Go Kim!)
3. A juicy pub burger served with thick fries (I'm not in England yet ... they're fries, despite the menu that calls them chips) lightly drizzled in vinegar and dipped in ketchup.
4. A scoop of light, tingly and refreshing pink grapefruit gelato served in a sugar cone and retrieved down the block with one's favorite 12-year-old boy (ie: Nathan, who convinced me to walk around the corner with him last night to the gelateria).
5. Daily Orange Spice Green Tea from the Republic of Tea
6. Homemade pizzas spread with fresh mozzarella, basil and heirloom tomatoes (thanks, Julie!)
For a girl who hasn't had much appetite lately, I've sure been eating well.
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